The Best List Of 50 Dad Jokes To Ever Exist
20 Best Dad Jokes / Dad Puns:
- What genre are national anthems? Country.
- How do you get a farm girl to marry you? First, a tractor.
- Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
- If you’re up at night while the cows are asleep in the field that means it’s pasture bedtime.
- Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peak-a-boo accident? To the I-C-U.
- During quarantine no one got my humor. I guess it was all the inside jokes.
- As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “You know one would have been enough.”
- I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?” I replied, “No… It’s to look at”
- There’s a disease that makes you uncontrollably tell airport jokes. No cure… it’s terminal.
- My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth. He said it was acci-dental.
- A Central European trampolining team has recently gone bankrupt. They were bouncing Czechs.
- Have you heard of the new sport called Quiet Tennis”? It’s like normal tennis but without the racket.
- My wife asked why I didn’t buy her flowers. To be fair, I didn’t know she sold flowers.
- I went to a really emotional wedding last week, even the cake was in tiers!
- Careful how many corny jokes you tell. Someone may just call the crops!
- I talked to a poet who only wrote about wells. His stuff was deep.
- Did you hear about the guy that evaporated? He'll be mist.
- My wife just completed a 40 week bodybuilding program this morning. It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz.
- My wife screamed "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!" What a weird way to start a conversation...
- What has five toes but isn't your foot? My foot.
Meat Dad Jokes / Meat Puns:
- What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
- Did you hear about the truck transporting steaks that got into a wreck? Some car T-Boned it.
- What do astronauts eat for protein? Launch Meat.
- What did the pepperoni say walking out of the hospital? I’m cured!
- Which knight of the round table was the beefiest? Sir loin.
- What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
- Held a poker night where the buy in was a prime ribeye. I invited my brother but he said the steaks were too high.
- One of my friends and I just get together to eat hot dogs and tell the honest truth. It’s a frank relationship.
- In the beef army there was a soldier who always snuck up on the enemy from the left or right. He was a flank steak.
- My sister-in-law is an archaeologist. Only person I’ve known that is excited to find a bone in her chicken.
Grilling Dad Jokes / Grilling Puns:
- What do you call a line you wait in to buy a grill? A Barbe-Queue.
- What does a dad get in their stocking if they’ve been naughty? Char-coal.
- Accidentally burned dinner on the grill. Mis-steaks were made.
- Just finished cleaning my grill. It was grate.
- What did the exasperated man serve at his barbecue? Sheesh kabobs.
- Do you know the most important job of a grill master at a restaurant? To please their steak holders.
- What do you put on a lonely grilled cheese sandwich? Provolone, but only if you have it’s parmesan.
- My neighbor got sued for a fire his grill started. He filed for an appeal when he lost and it ended up in a pellet court.
- I told my dad he had to quit smoking. When it came to his health we just couldn’t brisket.
- What’s the difference between a dad and a grill? A grill runs out out of gas.
Food Dad Jokes / Food Puns:
- How fast is milk? It’s pasteurized before you know it.
- What did the pecan say to the walnut it was chasing? I’ll cashew eventually!
- Why are butter jokes so hard to make? Because there is no margarine for error.
- What happens when you pinch a grape? It lets out a little whine.
- Did you hear about the cantaloupe that went to a therapist? I guess it was feeling Meloncholy.
- Yogurt is the most high class dairy product to buy. It’s so cultured.
- What happened to the dating slices of bread that disappeared overnight? Turns out they e-loafed! I hope they grow mold together.
- Which friends do you always bring to dinner? Your taste buds.
- I catered a movie night where they watched titanic. Safe to say the iceberg lettuce wraps didn’t go over well.
- Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
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